My former roommate Dustin came to California for a conference and found himself with a day or two to hangout with me and the guys. After a particularly long lunch at the Yardhouse and some random walking around Paseo, we eventually ended up back at my place. Chinese food was ordered. About an hour later Brandon says “Shouldn’t the food be here by now?” “I’m on it,” I says.
Hello, [generic Chinese restaurant name].
Hi. We ordered food an hour ago and I wanted to check on the order.
Oh yes. We’ve been calling and calling and no one answer.
That phone is upstairs. What were you calling about?
We can’t take your credit card. It says it a fraud. (I’m not trying to make fun of anyone here but that’s how she was saying it)
Well, I did have a fraud problem with my card and the bank had to issue me a new one. What number do you have on file?
(She reads the number). Yes, that’s my old card. Here is the new numbe…
I can not take your card.
What?
I can not take your card. The computer say it a fraud.
Well, yes. I had a fraud problem but now I have a new card.
You can come down and pay cash. Pick it up.
I’m not going to come down there. I’m giving you a new card number you can use.
Um… noooooo… the computer say it a fraud.
I tell you what. Try putting in this new number and you’ll see that it’s a good number.
That happened the last time. We put it in and it says good and then the bank say it a fraud. I can’t put in a new number, the computer says no.
You are a human being. You have a choice. You can listen to another human being or you can do whatever that computer is telling you what to do! And I’m telling you… this card is fine. And if you have an old balance, you should put it on the card as well.
Hold please. I will talk to my manager. (silence) I talked to my manager and she said you come down.
I’m not going to come down. What I will do is tell all my friends not to visit your restaurant and I will go online and post bad reviews about my experience with your restaurant.
Um… I will talk with my manager. (silence)
(Me to the guys) This isn’t about food anymore, this is about me winning.
Hellooooo. This is Nancy the Manager.
Hello Nancy. Are you able to help me?
I am looking at your screen. It says fraud.
Does it also say how long I’ve been a customer?
Yes.
Does it say how many orders I’ve placed with no problem on the same card?
Yes.
So what are you going to do?
OK, we will take your order if the delivery can see your card and your driver’s license. (No, I’m not missing a word in this sentence. That’s how she said it). I am just trying to protect my business.
Of course, I would do the same.
OK, thank youuuuuuu.
Thank you.
Hello? I am sorry about that. We will send your delivery out in 30 minutes or so.
I’ve already been waiting 90 minutes. In light of all this trouble, what can you do for me?
I will move you to the front of the orders.
Thank you. Goodnight.
Good night.
(Dustin: They are soooo going to spit in our food)
