Life as I know it… plus commentary

Ikea people

with 6 comments

I’ve just finished assembling Karsten, my new desk chair from Ikea.  Karsten is black and has no arms but makes for some fine sitting.  And he lifts and lowers and tilts back and forth.  Who wouldn’t like that?  No one.

I gotta tell you though, it wasn’t the most fun experience getting Karsten home.  I tried to maintain a good attitude as I navigated the winding pathway through the throngs of laminate lovers and fans of the Swedes.  I did this by breathing steadily, thinking happy thoughts about Jessica Biel and cataloging my observations about shopping at Ikea.  So enough lollagagging and let’s get to them:

My Observations About Ikea

1. Don’t go there on the weekend.  Waaaaaaay too many people.

2. If you go on Saturday for desks anyway, for sure don’t go back on Sunday for the desk chair you should have gotten earlier.  Nothing will be any different.

3. Once people get into Ikea, they are forced by the pheromones to walk no faster than .5 mph.  The pheromones also cause everyone to stop suddenly in the pathways and mill around aimlessly.

4. White people, Asians, Indians and Hispanics love the Ikea.  Didn’t see one black person in the 1000s of people there this weekend.

5. Whatever you come in for, be prepared to buy three completely different and unrelated things. 

6. Whatever you purchase, you will not assemble it right the first time.  If you have a PhD in Rocket Science, you will not assemble it right the first tme.  If you are mentally genetically enhanced with magical dragon powers, you still will not assemble it right the first time.

7. Whichever line you’ve watched before committing to will automatically become the slowest line of the 32.

8. No matter how full you are, you still be tempted by the 20 meatballs for $5 but will succumb to the $3 hot dogs, chips and coke special.  Uless you have the will power of a Titan like me and then you only get the hot dog and coke.

9. No matter how you fold, rip or shred the cartons, all your neighbors will know you’ve been to Ikea from the “Product of Sweden” logo on the surviving piece of cardboard and the lingering Ikea smell.

10.  You’ll contine to be shocked by how much Ikea furniture you’ve accumulated despite your vow to buy only non laminated wood products.  But you’ll be impressed with your new whisky sour decanter/fluffy bathroom throw rug/Swedish ginger snaps.

PS.. I like my new desk set up.


Written by arnold

August 20, 2006 at 10:17 pm

Posted in Life in (near) LA

6 Responses

Subscribe to comments with RSS.

  1. Just came across your blog today and I must say, your IKEA thoughts ring true. They’re sooo stinkin’ cheap though that you’re willing to spend a week trying to assemble your futon (or desk)correctly, even though you could be doing other less futile tasks. (:


    August 21, 2006 at 11:55 am

  2. You crack me up! I can just picture you wheeling around IKEA, leaning on your cart, taking in all of the happenings around you. I beg to differ on Observation #6 though. I am the grand-master of assembling furniture from IKEA (& not to mention Target!). I always get it right the first time. Next time think about hiring me…the price is steep though! You may make an appointment with my secretary, Mr. Zac Kintner. I look forward to doing business with you in the future.


    August 21, 2006 at 1:53 pm

  3. Let’s see a picture of your latest masterpiece!


    August 21, 2006 at 4:21 pm

  4. I now know some rocket scientists, and I must respectfully disagree with #6.


    August 22, 2006 at 5:52 am

  5. The closest IKEA is in DC–3 hours away. We drove there our first weekend out here. Worth every drop of $3/gallon gas.


    August 24, 2006 at 4:17 pm

  6. As far as # 6 goes, that’s not a comment on people’s abilities to assemble but rather on the directions.

    Ikea’s directions are done in the classic stick figure in six languages manner. And the fact that tops and sides are made in Stockholm and backs and bottoms are made in Gothenburg doesn’t help much either. Sometimes stuff just doesn’t line up.

    Apologies are offered to any successful-assembler yet slightly-offended rocket scientists.


    August 24, 2006 at 4:22 pm

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: